Find Your Voice in Silence

Hey Bloggers!

How do you talk to someone, when you cannot even find your own voice? You want to be heard, but you are unable to make out a single word. Mind of yours is full of thoughts and ideas, but your mouth is silent. You feel that pull from your mind “that control” to step back from verbal expression, and you wonder whether you are just engineered to be a thinker and writer… nothing more.

You speak and your words sound forced and rehearsed. Words are your friend, only if it is read, heard, or written, but once it is spoken, it becomes a stranger: a stranger with no intentions of identifying your verbal competency. Talking to you is only used for simple responses such as: Good, I’m Fine, How About You, and Thank You. Even a simple “hello” is difficult to enunciate.

A smile is the best you can do. It eliminates the dilemma of topics to talk about, the measure of its interest level, expectation of feedbacks, and ultimately the risk of being judged by word choices, expressions, and opinions. Silence literally saves you. It saves you from your careless mouth, the listening ears, and the factory of accompanying adversities.

This is jblogger, signing off ❤

When You Left…

Hey wordpressers,

            Couple of years ago, leaving was mutual. I remembered being on the couch with my past and we decided that it was time to move on. Looking at the clock ticked away, I watched the hand move. It was not even 7 yet. However, we knew it was time to say goodbye. The very thing I remembered, in which I actually wrote a poem about few years later, was sitting on the couch with my past. Then, he stood up, got his backpack, ready to leave. I stood up and hugged him. The very last one I can get from him, and then I let go.

Watched him descend from the stair steps. I remembered holding on to myself that time. I sobbed and cried alone on the couch. It was my first heartbreak. My first official end of a relationship. Listening to him put on his shoes ready to leave my house; it was like the scratching of nails on a chalkboard. It was dreadful.

On what was on my mind during the event, I do not remember. It was like I did not think of anything but focused on my heartbreak, and the end of my relationship. It was very difficult.

The pros of leaving was letting go of an unhealthy relationship. Breaking free of the “clinginess” I brought myself into. Lastly, it made me closer to God and my family. The cons… well the cons were the flashbacks I am dealing with currently.

Even now three years later, my mind still remembers and contemplates. This is something I am going to admit and only to you my readers, maybe… just maybe… I am not over him. However, I have moved on. I have accepted that… that was the end of the relationship. But every day he is on my mind, and sometimes he has cameo appearances in my dreams.

He left my life, but my mind has clung to him. No matter how hard I try to push those memories aside and erase him from my daily thoughts, he still shows up, and I do not know when this will stop. I tried. I still am trying…

This is jasminedelacerna, signing off ❤

To learn more about photographs, poetry, and proses about leaving: click here

Comfort of Familiarity

This is my first blog, and it is already getting personal. Ha! Definitely making the best of this.

I have my shared moments of regrets, brokenness, and crazy. Those never left my mind though. They are not just a memory where people can retrieve over time. Flashbacks force me to remember them, and it feels like my mind keeps going through them. For whatever reason, I do not know, but maybe I have a lot more lessons to learn than I think.

They usually make me feel bitter about myself. Because those oh… so… precious memories are not very precious. They are my imperfections, faults, and sometimes the good times too. Well… about 90% precious and 10% “junk”.

Writing I noticed that my prose and poems consisted of the past. Probably because I have never been to the future before, so there is not much to talk about in the fast forward realm other than my goals, hopes, and dreams, and I had a lot of that growing up, as I scribble on my paper on “what I want to become when I grow up” in elementary school.

However, the past… that I could retrieve and talk about. Even if every single one of my will is against it. I seem to focus on the ancient history of life and events. Probably because even though the past is excruciating to watch and remember, they are familiar and my mind finds comfort in familiarity oh… so… very much. So I guess you could say that my mind is obsessed with the comfort of the excruciating past. Yup, that sounds about right.

You will be reading a lot of past and present experiences and futures hopes in this blog. Mostly mine, but they are always universal. I do not go into personal details about my own experience, generality is such a beauty, so why waste it?

This is Jasmine De La Cerna, Signing Off ❤