I was sitting in bed at the crack of dawn this early morning. I was praying and asking God about His will for me, while at the same time becoming who I want to be personally. As I was praying, I felt like I was going around in circles on my prayers so I asked the Holy Spirit to teach me how to pray.
It only took a split second for Him to impress in my heart the things I wanted compared to the things He wanted for me. As I was praying, I remembered my ambition a long time ago and even now (the career goal I want), which is to help contribute to the fight against cancer.
So, I focused on that, I talked to Him about wanting to be able to help cure cancer and/or contribute to help irradicate children’s cancer. As I was praying, I had this vision of standing in front of a closed door and in my hand was a key. An enormous key. This key will turn the knob of the door in front of me and will open its journey. As I stand in front of the door with the key in my hand, I knew that it means that once I open the door it means that I will enter into this career that I just got hired last Friday.
Although I had the key in hand, I still felt hesitant about going in. My heart felt that if I walk through that door, that means I may never enter the door to my left. I looked over to my left and I saw another door. This door was closed and on the ground are multiple sets of keys. These keys were used before, however, they are not the right ones so they were not able to open the locked door. I knew that those multiples sets of keys meant that those are the methods and job applications I used to open the door that I wanted, but could not get access to it.
As I stared down at the multiple keys on the ground to my left and I looked down at the key in my hand, I broke down. The door in front of me is waiting and ready to be opened, and all I have to do is use the key in my hand to turn the knob and unlock all the possibilities it can offer. However, I am too afraid that when I choose that method, I may never get to experience and fulfill my own personal dream.
This realization broke me down. I do not remember feeling any emotional buildup, but when I saw the big key in my hand and the other small failed keys on the ground I felt like my battle was over. Obviously, I should just use that big key in my hand to open the door in front of me, however, I just could not bring myself to it. Maybe I could, but my will refuse to let me do so. While I was having this emotional turmoil, my mind just kept repeating “How bad do you want it? How bad do you want it?”
I got out of my bed and went to the bathroom to cry it all out. I grabbed some kleenex and wiped those tears away. When I sat back in my bed, I cleared my head. I spent a few minutes to not think about anything. Then, when I felt like I was ready to speak to God again I asked Him to “change my heart”. I once again asked the Holy Spirit to teach me how to pray. So he directed me once again. My new prayers are now that “whatever I do, I do it all for the Glory of God”, and boom! PEACE. This blanket of peace and comfort just wrapped me up and my worries were gone. I finished my prayers and then I read the bible.
The bow that laced everything up that early morning was John 16:33 (AMP Version). It goes on to say, “I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have [perfect] peace. In the world you have tribulation and distress and suffering, but be courageous [be confdent, be undaunted, be filled with joy]; I have overcome the world.” [My conquest is accomplished, My victory is abiding.]”
This is Jasmine, Signing Off ❤