Maze Doors Vision

Hey Bloggers,

I was sitting in bed at the crack of dawn this early morning. I was praying and asking God about His will for me, while at the same time becoming who I want to be personally. As I was praying, I felt like I was going around in circles on my prayers so I asked the Holy Spirit to teach me how to pray.

It only took a split second for Him to impress in my heart the things I wanted compared to the things He wanted for me. As I was praying, I remembered my ambition a long time ago and even now (the career goal I want), which is to help contribute to the fight against cancer.

So, I focused on that, I talked to Him about wanting to be able to help cure cancer and/or contribute to help irradicate children’s cancer. As I was praying, I had this vision of standing in front of a closed door and in my hand was a key. An enormous key. This key will turn the knob of the door in front of me and will open its journey. As I stand in front of the door with the key in my hand, I knew that it means that once I open the door it means that I will enter into this career that I just got hired last Friday.

Although I had the key in hand, I still felt hesitant about going in. My heart felt that if I walk through that door, that means I may never enter the door to my left. I looked over to my left and I saw another door. This door was closed and on the ground are multiple sets of keys. These keys were used before, however, they are not the right ones so they were not able to open the locked door. I knew that those multiples sets of keys meant that those are the methods and job applications I used to open the door that I wanted, but could not get access to it.

As I stared down at the multiple keys on the ground to my left and I looked down at the key in my hand, I broke down. The door in front of me is waiting and ready to be opened, and all I have to do is use the key in my hand to turn the knob and unlock all the possibilities it can offer. However, I am too afraid that when I choose that method, I may never get to experience and fulfill my own personal dream.

This realization broke me down. I do not remember feeling any emotional buildup, but when I saw the big key in my hand and the other small failed keys on the ground I felt like my battle was over. Obviously, I should just use that big key in my hand to open the door in front of me, however, I just could not bring myself to it. Maybe I could, but my will refuse to let me do so. While I was having this emotional turmoil, my mind just kept repeating “How bad do you want it? How bad do you want it?”

I got out of my bed and went to the bathroom to cry it all out. I grabbed some kleenex and wiped those tears away. When I sat back in my bed, I cleared my head. I spent a few minutes to not think about anything. Then, when I felt like I was ready to speak to God again I asked Him to “change my heart”. I once again asked the Holy Spirit to teach me how to pray. So he directed me once again. My new prayers are now that “whatever I do, I do it all for the Glory of God”, and boom! PEACE. This blanket of peace and comfort just wrapped me up and my worries were gone. I finished my prayers and then I read the bible.

The bow that laced everything up that early morning was John 16:33 (AMP Version). It goes on to say, “I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have [perfect] peace. In the world you have tribulation and distress and suffering, but be courageous [be confdent, be undaunted, be filled with joy]; I have overcome the world.” [My conquest is accomplished, My victory is abiding.]”

This is Jasmine, Signing Off ❤

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Battle of the Mind

Hey bloggers,

I lie awake in the dusty couch I am laying. The soft green blanket wraps me as my toes tries to find cover. Nights like this are the ones I find exhausting. Thoughts engulf my mind, as I hopped into one memory at a time. Examining tangled laces, untying knots, and connecting dots on what I could have done differently. I wrap my brain around the “what-happened” and think about my latest profound solution on what I could have done best.

To be quite honest, there is not a specific moment I am actually pondering. My mind just feels like a pen on a blank paper, scribbling something until those lines begins to form like an object and then it hovers over it and I am taken to a memory. Once the memory burns out, the pen starts scribbling again on a blank sheet of paper.

Good and bad things are played like a movie. Looking at a specific memory from a different perspective. However, I cannot help but to let my imagination take over. It dances like a stranger as it tries to capture a silhouette of my dress, as I swing away with my memory. It tugs on the jewelry hanging below my neck, “notice me!”, it demanded.

“Imagine this!”, it whispered as I am dancing with my memory. I catch a glimpse of the new possibilities it could offer. Doors being flung wide open, dusty books burned, trees chopped for new pages, tempting to whisk me away into its cheap thrills and climable hills.

My memories are real and concrete. They are the ones I know happened giving me a sense of clarity. On the other hand, my imagination tries to bring cloudiness into those clear skies. It has this clever way of taking my heart into new dimensions, as my feet dips into their fluffy fantasies.

I shake them out as I focus on who and what is in front of me. I intently study reality and consciously examine him. The soft eyes of my memory, its smile oh those gaps… those memory gaps, its thumb caressing my backbone, and its gentle hold. My mind captured by this moment, as it soaks in the beautiful reality that is holding me as I dance with reality.

My mind: a combination of memory, reality, and fantasies. Only God knows which take up the most headspace..

The Look

Once I caught your stare

Your look from the distance

I caught it and you looked away

So I took the dare

As I stared back for a few moments

“Nobody has looked at me that way”,

My heart whispered

“Maybe he was just bored and tired”

My mind deciphered

However the look in your eyes

It was beautiful and rare

Read it from across the miles

Was that your heart bare?

Or was it all made up by my mind?

Looming Stranger

Knock!
Knock!
Knock!
“Let me in!”
Peep

I can’t
I can’t touch the cold hard knob
Refuse to unhook the latch
Just close your eyes
It will go away

Breathe
In and Out

Bang!
Bang!
Bang!
“Open the door!”

Leap
I won’t
I won’t leap to the mountains
Refuse to take a step

Block the noise
Clear your mind
Relax
An illusion
That is all
Voices of your imagination

Steady your breath
One
Two
Three

“I’m coming back!”
Boom!

Compose yourself
It is over
Gone
For now

Remnants Resurface

I do not want to know
But somehow
Time
Has its way
Through accidental glimpses

Are they accidents?
Are accidents even real?
I try
To cover my eyes
Hide my mind

Still
Remnants of you resurface

Your presence
Lingers
As they creep up
Silently
Too late to stop

Making its way carelessly
Stepping through cracks
Visiting facts
Replaying such acts

Will I ever get away?
From your shadows of relay
and
Accidental display

Mediocre Be Bold

 

Mediocrity
Tell me
How I can write away with thee
Ordinarily
Blandly
Simply
Tell Me
How I can write extraordinarily

Scribbles
Doodles
Loopholes
Will I hit my goals
Touch souls

Teach
Reach
Preach
Will hearts be stitched

Attentions lured
Brokenness cured
Intentions pured
Fill a void

Whose heart will I hold?
Mind forever fold
Silence told

 

Mediocre be bold